Curvy in all of her femininity
Face was a smooth-skinned, coffee-hued canvas
That was painted with Two-Lips that Blossomed full
No lipstick, no make-up, she was organic
Her cat-like eyes fashioned a hazel tone
They sang a song that stole me into a trance
Her gorgeously blue dress danced to the rhythm of her mean walk
It hugged her like a long lost relative
Revealing the outline of her Victoria Secrets
Booty like a Chocolate Peach
Arched into a small waist, abs engraved
Slim torso that seated her medium-sized breasts
She was 5 feet 2 inches of goodness, 135 pounds of gorgeous
And an immeasurable amount of mystery
Artistically designed with symmetrical harmony throughout
Aroused me to the point of my eyes bulging as much as my jeans
I could hear the libido of this lioness growling
Enchanting me with an armor-penetrating stare
Our gravity was intense
We were swallowed in an unspoken dialogue of audible lust
A delicious grin was hibernated on her chin
My curiosity developed an enormous appetite
Grumbling…” How would her skin feel against mine?”
“How does she sound when aroused, and how loud?”
“How tight is it? How warm is she?”
“I wonder if she loves to cuddle”
Thirsty for answers, I chuckle
The silence was so fragile
It was broken with a soft “mnnn” when she slowly approached me
And openly complimented my Black Halo
Bashful, was I, fueled with glee
Requested my name, and I gave
Requested for hers, she replied “Angel…”
“Angel in a blue dress…knowing that you’re fly”
Modesty filled her face
Damn! I just wanted to cuff her waist
And run my lips into hers like a Linebacker’s Tackle
Whoa! My imagination slowed down, and reality caught up
Still, we thrust seductive gazes into each other’s eyes
Asked if I was single – “yes”
Boomeranged the same question – “indeed, I am”
She was atypical; pocketing a distinct sass appeal
….but there was a blend of serenity in her aura
“Well, look, I don’t wanna waste any more time”
“I wanna get to know you….I feel like we’ve met before, you know what I mean?”
I concur with a head nod
“So, I think it would be appropriate if we meet this evening”
Reached for the phone, surrendered my digits, and captured hers
Supplied a sly glance in between numbers
“Call me around 8”
Eyes said the longest good-bye that I’ve never heard
Heaven-sent and Earth-guided, she walked away
But she saved the last glance for when she reached the exit
Flashed an alluring grin, and became eclipsed by the walls and the passersby
And I sigh, smiling…shaking my head
A gift of love…from another place in time
Will always travel far to find….us
Want: absence or deficiency of something desirable or requisite; lack: plants dying for want of rain.
“I want you” to be without or be deficient in: to want judgment; to want knowledge.
to select from a number of possibilities; pick by preference: She chose Sunday for her departure.
to prefer or decide (to do something): He chose to run for election.
Also interpreted as: to guide one’s will to an object of conscience
Have: to get, receive, or take: to have a part in a play; to have news.
Now although the context in which these words exists are not in the highest definition, but can be understood as nouns or a verbs. Why is this relevant? A noun exists because of a verb. A choice is the result of an action. A thing is the result of kinect energy. But ultimately, it all burns down to the residual question of “what statement are you making?”
When you choose something, you are summoning your intention/will and directing it towards an object. Your will is who you are; where you guide it is what you will become. It is the energy that reaches, attaches, and returns. It is life. Yet, to want something is to make a statement of lack; which means you are not choosing to have, you are choosing not to have.
“Mom, I want this bike”
“So, why aren’t you getting it?”
“Because I don’t have the funds to give you this bike. I’m not going to ask anyone for the money nor am I going to steal it”
“But I want it!!”
“I heard you the first time; you know…..you have the power to change it though. Instead of wanting it, choose to have it”
“I….um….don’t understand ”
“To want means to desire. You feel sad because you don’t have this bike. Your happiness depends on you having this bike. Yet, you’re not making choices that lead to you having the bike, dear. You’re just pawning your desires off me, when now, you are capable of having this bike just by choosing”
“I think I understand….but, how do I do that? How can I make this mine?”
“To make it yours temporarily (because nothing lasts forever) think of a way to make some money. Don’t steal and don’t cheat, though. That’s bad character; very unhealthy. Earn the money by giving a service for it. Compromise. Bargain. Then, when you have enough, exchange it for the bike”
“Ugh! That’s too much work!!”
“Well, you can choose to want the bike or choose to have the bike. Just remember, it’s your choice”
“Awwww….humph! (Folds arms)”
2 months later, he bought the bike. He cut lawns, helped kids with homework, sold some of his toys, games, and shoes (using Craigslist too), and exchanged recyclables for money. The boy was 9. Something so fundamental, right? Yet it gets overlooked in adulthood because its demoted in childhood. So the lack in childhood is carried into adulthood. The things we want the most are distant from us…because we push them away. We make louder, more boisterous declarations of our lack. “I can’t have it!!!” while contrarily, we pray for it silently to return. So we feel as if God, life, karma, or even the devil is taunting us. Envy can be healthy if harnessed properly. Jealousy can be destructive if abandoned to live freely. Irresponsibility festers in these conditions, which furthers our insecurities and demotes our self-esteem. And this demotion also affects our relationships. Sweet illusions, they become. Cake layer after cake layer we conceal the sponsor of our behavior. We deny ourselves the kingdom of God by discrediting our innate ability to manifest our desires; or even using them with malicious intent. We even jump the distance in allowing other people to affirm our lack. They say no, therefore, amen, ase, so be it all. What’s increasingly destructive is our ignorance to these faint signs. This ignorance may motivate maladaptive behavior that potentially tarnishes relationships with people and other objects of desire.
Imagine if that bike were a woman, and the boy were a man. Extract the sexual reference, and imagine the cost he has to pay to summon that woman into his life. The courage. The drive. The intelligence. The research. The labor. He may not have enough; but he’s intent on discovering the truth rather than visualizing and wanting. And then in all of his efforts, she tells him no. He doesn’t have what she is looking for, and feels apathetic to inform him on the reasons why she’s unattainable. This nourishes his ambition even further – he must have her! She has yet to satisfy his curiosity and his hunger for accomplishment. He keeps trying. And the woman perceives him as obnoxious and bull-headed. Yet, he exhibits a trait that most people struggle with – ambition. She is looking for a man with this trait, but because of his appearance, she doesn’t see it. She is alluded to unrealistic expectations. She hasn’t seen ambition like his before, and yet she wants a handsome man to carry it. Yet, she has done little to nothing in summoning these specifications in her life…..well she’s prayed….just wasn’t more specific and intent. Her character reeks of ridicule, and she suffocates him with it out of disgust and laziness to explain why he is unqualified to make her happy. So, their relationship is destined to be volatile if they aren’t aware of each other’s intentions. This poison may affect their decision-making (responsibility) for the rest of their days. How she says no may help him refine his desires. And how he looks in relation to his character may help her do the same. She would realize that ambition is indiscriminate to physical appearance, but she would feel its presence through action.
We all can help each other…..we just need to be open to investigate. And like many others, I’m often too learned to learn; cradling the Kanye West mindset that “you can’t tell me nothing“. But if we are not living, we are not learning, and if we are not learning, then we are dying.
I have felt the gravity of want for many lifetimes, and it arouses a lot of suffering. But, in recognition of my wants, I choose to have; and when I choose to be a have-not, it is absent of want. Hence, I reach a state of contentment. I used to frown on ambition, and now I understand that moderation applies to this principle. So for those out there who want….choosing to have begins with searching for a path (plan) that guides you to have; or rather….become. But always remember that what we become is temporary. There is much more to explore. I’ve encountered a few people these past few weeks who are unhappy. When asked “well what do you want?”….they don’t know. Identifying the want would help them to choose whether to keep wanting, choose to have, or choose to have not. The power of manifestation is within you. Call it and it shall be yours….if you can afford it.
You always retain a shard of your child-like essence when you continue to dream…..whether practically or wildly. I heard this instrumental, and what came to my mind was “Saturday Morning”. So I imagined a Saturday Morning from another life that I lived. Whether labeled past or future, it happened in my mind, therefore, it exists. Aside from this playful dream venture, when I look at this video….it reminds me of a motherboard in a machine. I see correlation of the towers. I see correlation of information moving at the speed of light. The digital world is materializing as we complete our orbits around the sun. It fits that I think about the future of civilization as I dream of happiness that lives with it.
My eyes open, sunshine peeking through blinds
Like it wants to say “Hi”, I take a deep sigh
It’s 7:25 and I’m laying beside
A Light Skinned Honey, left thigh over mine
No panties, no bra, big ass, Slow Hands
Moving like a Slow Jam
Woke her up, gotta quickie
Plus a few more hickies…15 …Minutes in the shower
Walked by her, gave a fresh squeeze on her left cheek
Like the orange juice that was fresh squeezed in the next hour
French toast with a bowl of fruit, SpongeBob on the flat screen
And then junior walked in looking half-sleep
….”Rise divine, Young Jedi”, said I
As he was wiping his left eye
Beautify the castle, beginning with the yard, first
Teach my son the definition of hard work
It’s Yoga Fire how we’re Burning off calories
Watering the garden, I mean, the Food Gallery
….Neighbor gave a head nod
Runners pass by the front lawn
Which is getting Cut like a BodyBuilder, sure enough
Worked it out, finished up
My seed started Sh!t-talking on the sly
Started Whooping his ass ….on Marvel vs. Capcom 5
Laughter in our chemistry
Haters off the radar, Miss me with the misery
Mrs. Skywalker and my mini-me
Cuttin’ the Wind in my brand new Infiniti
High off the Imagery, Greeted by the Ocean, so many Waves
Lampin’ in the shade
Toes in the sand, Ice Cubes in my Lemonade
Hey! I gotta say..Today was a Good Day
“Ok babe, I’m headed out the door”
She planted a loose kiss on my cheek
And a dry “I love you” jutted from her lips
Smooth Criminal, she was; and I almost let her get away with it too
“Whoa! Hold up…say, it again”
“Huh? ….Say what?”
“Tell me you love me…..slower”
She fashioned a frustrated lip curl as tension melted into her eyebrows
I smile….”I’m listening”
Vigorously, she unloads “I….love…..youuuuuu, Jooooooohn”
“No, no, no….you gotta come closer and say it”
“John! What are you doing?! I have to go!”
I walked to her
Reaching to possess her hips, which were cloaked in her baby blue dress
Mmmnnnn…I love it when she wears dresses
Especially when there’s a thong buried innocently beneath
I massage my way into cupping her ass
Flashing assured eyes, and a confident smirk
Her eyes blazed wider as she felt the spark of inspiration
…..She feels the hint of sex in the air
Low-toned and blasé, she chuckles “I love you”
My hands were the silkiest electric currents surging through back
As I sunk my face closer into hers
We paused…..our eyes stole each other
And as my lips reached in for a comforting hug
Air bolted from her nose as if there were fire within
“mmmnnnn….” Kiss*….kiss* “mmnnnnn….Joooooohn”, she muffled
My palms glide up her dress
Silky smooth thighs that pay tribute to her robust apple bottom
I revolved her with snap-action force
Pitching her dress to rest on her lower back
“mmnnnn……babe….we…..mmmn….hurry up and put it in”
I reach in, and joust out my pulsating shaft with one hand
While pulling her emerald thong over to the right with the other
The tip of my pink helmet began to wiggle between the rims of her pussy
It felt as if she were sucking it in…sluggishly… forcefully…
Her rosy tunnel clinched on…caving in as I lunge through
Her knees unbuckled into a slender tremor
Our pace: slow and steady
Each stroke was sponsored with increasing intensity
I was swelling up inside her….
Ugh! She was sooooo wet…..
I dip all the way in, and yank all the way out
Her silk-like, shadowy hair draped to the left side of her face
As her neck sagged into submission to the deep, animated rhythm
In which our bodies rocked
Sweat beads decorated my face, and her upper back
My eyes open…..deep breath
I laid in the bed on my stomach…frozen-still
Recollecting fragments of the dream
Interpreting the events that preceded it
And then my face crawls into my palms as I shake my head thinking
“Damn….the one that got away….sighs…I never told her how I felt”
“Could she have been….the one?”
My imagination churns in my mind with what-ifs
….like a glass of wine as it’s swirled
Is it so childish to imagine what life would be like if I was the inspiration
That moved her….to say…. “I love you, John”? I wrote her today
…and told her how I felt, careless of what the consequence was
It’s amazing how we can find happiness in being reckless and daring
I’ve asked my facebook friends a very intense and incisive question on numerous occasions. How do you know when you’re going in the direction that leads to self actualization and self transcendence? How do you know that you are going where your soul truly desires to go? How do you know that you are walking the path that God created especially for you? From my childhood years till midway in my adulthood, I’ve always heard that God has a plan for us all. So how do you know when you’ve completed a portion of the plan? In a world of subjectivism, there is no right and wrong way to exist – only what truly works.
I’ve hardly ever received any responses. It makes me wonder if some people are faking their intimate relationship with God. It doesn’t matter – one day it’ll make sense.
For me, I feel as if I’m always in a state of recalling. And that my path has a trail of bread crumbs before me…….. and after me. I feel as if I’m trying to remember who I am, and I’ve written songs about me rediscovering the truth of myself by living it. Funny enough, the songs turn out to be bread crumbs themselves; reminding me that I was going to rediscover the part of me that I’ve forgotten.
So, there’s this song called “Remind Me” by Royksopp. If you’re not familiar with the song or the group, allow me to remind you. In 2006, Geico sponsored a slogan that was borderline insulting due to its hyperbolic presence: “So easy, that a caveman can do it”. There was one in particular that really caught my eye…er….ear. This was the one where the caveman was walking in the airport, and…you know what? Just watch the clip (shuts off lights)
Now I’ll admit, I laughed, despite the dysphemism. But, what really inspired me was the song! I’d always look for this commercial on TV because I was infatuated with that song. Then one day, I decided to use my CSI kit to track down this song.
…And ever since then, it’s been trapped in my iTouch.
I thank Geico for being creative enough to match this song with their vaguely insulting commercial. The true wonder of this communion is the part of the song that was exhibited in the commercial.
everywhere I go
there’s always something to remind me
of another place and time
where love that travelled far had found me
This revelation spoke to me in soooo many ways! It’s representative of what I go through in life: déjà vu. When I heard this
song, it felt like a memory; it felt like “we’ve met before”. I felt that the words expressed, so simply, what I lacked in understanding about myself. It was one of those “I once was lost, but now I see” type of experiences. I burst in elation when I hear this song because before and after that song, I’ve lived the truth of those words. And I normally feel insecure about allowing people see me behave in the context of these occurrences because I don’t like being looked at as if I’m unstable. Which truthfully, in that moment, I am (laughs). But, I mean, unstable in the eyes of a judge. As much as I desire people to feel what I feel in that instant, I also recognize that the feeling is reserved especially for me.
So yea, everywhere I go, there is ALWAYS something that reminds me of another place and time where love that travelled far…had found me. Yet these places are not places I’ve been to in the past; no, no, no, they’re adventitious (meaning: extrinsic, another location). It brings me to tears sometimes when I think about this. But when I experience it, I feel this internal explosion of joy; I feel this surge of high vibration energy – a climatic build similar to an eruptive geyser. It feels as if everything within me lit up! – That “aha” feeling. And then behold; this big bang of revolutionary truth provides me with this affirmative ambiance that makes me feel confident, competent, and complete. The experience emotes this bold statement without uttering any words: you’re supposed to be here.
Sometimes, I come across certain smells or sounds and my mind flashes a glimpse of another place with a different set of circumstances (inclusive of time). The same thing happens when I see certain architectures, people, images, places and objects. Yet as I’m receiving the immediate image, a subtle image is projected in front of it. And what’s eerie is the sensation of familiarity.
My intuition assumes control for an instant, and presents me with a sense of knowing. I try to observe leniently so that I don’t tarnish the information because these subtle revelations are like whispers; they require delicate yet swift attention because they’re gone almost instantly as they’ve arrived.
And then, there’s lucid dreaming; and mine has become more vivid and more impressionable on my life; especially since my change in diet. Have you ever remembered a dream that occurred when you were a child, and then you’ve experienced that same dream as an adult? Or maybe, you’ve had a dream when you were a child, and you suddenly realized that you are reliving the dream? I’ve looked into dream psychology – a book written by Sigmund Freud. The nature of dreams are very complex, and deciphering their meanings require that you record as much information as possible because the “dream work” disguises the true meaning and the origin of the ideas. Sometimes, it can be something physiological. So, of course, our brains will produce an experience that’s similar to the physiological work. You may have a dream about a giant bee stinging your butt – not realizing that as you are sleep, your mind is trying to tell you that your butt is itching! Sometimes dreams can be based on strong desires from the previous day. A person can serve as an object of desire. Ever wanted to approach someone so bad that you had a dream that you actually approached them?! Your mind decided to live out the desire mentally so that you can feel satisfied. Sometimes, dreams can be influenced from external sources: the TV – as you’re dreaming, a book that was read prior to your dream, an argument or a party from next door, a dog barking, or even a loved one who’s intensely thinking about you. And some dreams are a result of something futuristic. I remember living out quite a few dreams (since I’ve been in Kuwait even) that occurred months before I lived them. And then finally, some dreams go as deep as our ancestral roots. Again, we are the product of billions of years of evolution; our genes hold information inclusive our four-legged relatives; cold and warm blooded.
I’m quite sure you’ve experienced all types of dreams within the circumstances I’ve mentioned; whether you’re aware or not. But I also understand that some people are too busy to meditate on their dreams – to recall information that’s vital to their evolution….let alone…..their survival. (shrugs)
Anyway, I went to Bahrain this weekend. I definitely stepped outside my element for that trip. I drank. I screamed. I smiled. I partied. I danced….with a couple of women. I took one of them to my 2-bedroom, 1-kitchen, 3-bath, 1-living room hotel to spend the night. I watched TV. I spent loads of money – with a pinch of guilt. I mean, for 4 days and 3 nights, I basked in the ambiance of recklessness, escaped from my cotton padded, steel box of inhibition, and I became a bit more vulnerable to the forces of bad habits. I did things that I rarely ever do; not because I felt deserving – just because. I became someone else, and I had fun becoming that person. (chuckles) I’m suffering the consequences at the moment (sick). And through it all, it felt as if I did it all before….in that place….at a another time….meeting these very same people. It felt like a rerun. I basically celebrated my life. I held this confidence in my mind, and displayed it the form of a few smiles, because I had this intuitive sense of “knowing” that my life was going to get better…..with more challenges.
My first challenge: healing. My first new sense of success: I got promoted to Section Supervisor!
And it feels all so familiar. Have you ever felt like you knew what was going to happen before it happened? What do you do when God offers you a vision? And how do you know if it’s God…or if it’s preprogramming from your ego?
Just because you’re shown the truth, doesn’t obligate you to believe. You always have a choice.