I used to feel as if 24 hours was an extended amount of time to summarize a day. And maybe it’s because…I was moving slow…emotionally, anyway. Today, zipped by so fast! So, I observe that the speed of life depends on our vibration; at least that’s my hypothesis. Our moods, the emotion….the feelings….they affect our perception of time; and we know this. I felt quite a few ways today. The morning was sorta sluggish, but as I got into my routine, the paced elevated. I felt good, and my level of wakefulness was higher than usual. I still tend to get distracted, but I still dedicate some love to my life. Rather than Facebook, television, movies, games…reading, and studying, I questioned inwardly on how and why I felt the way I felt about everything. If you haven’t noticed I’m speaking about emotion as if it were something new. And for a guy who is over-protective about his emotions, it is.
Detour: My little brother was about to take my marijuana stash!! (laughs) Hehe, Such a shame! If I wasn’t keen on observing his facial and his vocal expressions, he would’ve achieved his goal. I still loved him enough to give him a jacket though. That’s what you call a love-hate relationship.
Riding the bike, I listened…a lot. I was very open and receptive as I digested the world with an….altered perception. I felt differently about the world. I didn’t think differently until after I felt for something first. I’m talk about empathizing on an emotional level first in order to stimulate the intuition. It felt like the child in me had made a connection with my conscious self. I came home questioning the stuff that was on the television. After fasting from processed food for so long I realized how strange it looked. The messages in KFC Commercials are slick punchlines to arouse your ego into being a consumer. The message: “our chicken is so good, it’ll make you sin. It’ll make you lie to your children just to eat one!” And it used to be funny…when I was eating KFC, that is. And label me critical, but please don’t label me holier than thou. I’m like “Damn! What a man will do to get that money!” Here is where you can label me hypocritical because.…even I’m chasing money.
Oh, and the reality television shows! Pumped up with so much emotional content – heh, this is a legal drug! We all know what drugs do; and we all know they’re infamous for their addictive quality. They stimulate the body’s hormonal system in such a way that produces a desired effect. Some of us are addicted to the element of surprise. Some of us are addicted to shock. Some of us are addicted to anger and frustration as if it’s all we’ve ever known. Yes, many Americans are addicted to the emotions that accompany drama. Let’s admit it, when you’re submerged into those scenes, it’s almost as if you’re there! You feel everything that the characters feel…and it’s even more eerie when you love it! Amazing powers we have here, right? You don’t even have to be at the scene to FEEL like you were there. Yet, the body behaves as if it were; quite the control mechanism. And now I know why some of us behave the way we do. We’ve been watching TV since we were kids – imitating.
Detour: I met a white girl today. She has ADHD…she announced it. She was quite scattered in her mannerisms admitting that she was impatient. I asked if she watched a lot of television. She said “yes”. And I realized the effects of mind control. I squinted at the idea of her being married; being with someone while at such a young age – heh, young love. (And cue: my high school sweet heart, Angela).
Amari has been quite the experimentalist. I realized how much of an influence I am on him. I’ve been really observing his characteristics. He’s eager and has a little bit of a rebellious nature. (smirks) I see his father in him….but I’m also seeing a lot of myself in there. I mean, he loves working out with me in the morning. He’ll try almost anything once….if he’s capable. He’s very, very sensitive – Receptive. And he’s well seated with his emotions. He’s developing a bond with the family, and he has a personality. For the most part…he loves us. From emulating all of our mannerisms: playing the Xbox to watching TV, to even typing on the computer. Occasionally, he plays tag with his little brother, but today I did something different with him – we went outside. There was a slight chill, but the sun was beaming, and the birds were chirping. I just wanted him to feel nature as I felt it earlier in the day. I wanted him to feel a glimpse of what I felt because I went on a bike ride without him. I bathed in the sun and the forest green to replenish my soul….to regenerate…like a plant. Oxygen, solar energy, green spectrum from the leaves, and the sound of the wind, assisted in my empathy with my spiritual roots. And what a high! So, here’s my nephew…experiencing what I felt; with this facial expression: “ah, this is what love feels like”. I swear it was like he shot himself up with a syringe. The way he touched that green leaf (chuckles)…his arm went limp.
I know he loves me. I mean heck, he tries to fill my shoes. Every day he sees me on this computer, yet when I leave, he sees me wear my shoes and my clothes. And my shoes are located beside my bed. So when he wants to use my computer with me, he waddles beside the bed…and puts them on. I write; and I realized in those moments that my young nephew intended to write. I drew….and he saw. And so he yelled for paper using undeveloped English. And then he yelled for the pen; although the pen’s tip wasn’t clicked, he wrote. He scribbled. He drew as if he knew how; careless of who judged. He was focused and absorbed in this simple activity.
…..And he learned it from me…..
So now I have seen the fruit of this deed. Looking at this seed, and reflecting on the bottled water that we shared together. Heh, the light I’ve brung; not just from my presence. When we went outside in the sun, I had him cradled in my arms with a blanket. And he was so serene. He had this look on his face as if he was in heaven. That feeling was not just my presence, it was the environment. It was nature. This feeling didn’t arise until his hand touched the green leaves. I smile. Heh, it was a really intimate moment. I felt what he felt by just standing in the sun soaking in nature as if nothing else mattered. No television, computer, or video games. Why did I do all of this for him? Hmmm… I felt like….giving something back, I assume. I haven’t really given a love like this before. But when I look at him….I see myself. I’m like:
“I remember when I was your age. I didn’t have an older brother to look up to. And since I know how you feel, being new to this human experience and all, I’m gonna help you out. I can only show ya what I know”
But this dialogue was never verbally spoken. I’ve just been acting this way. I never had an older brother – Miscarriage. Yea…imagine how my mother felt. I didn’t at the time, but the sorrow she felt lingers in me; often showing its shape-shifting face. I’ve just been acting this way; to be strong for her…and my siblings. We all need that inspiration, right? And after observing their suffering, I’m on this mission. I’m looking for that promised-land; that paradise. Sounds cliché doesn’t it? But that’s the intention…clichés are original; they’re well known, but original. And some clichés are worth following.
Especially when it leads you back to the Origin.
I guess my life is cliché. Who am I following? Who’s following me? I see a few images, but I know that there’s more. And as I feel more inwardly and outwardly, I bridge long forgotten plateaus, and delve deeper to my spiritual roots….deeper in this tree of life.