I Think I Love My Significant Other…Err…Job
The Jedi Returns with some of that relationship verbiage to stimulate your nerves. Say “word”.
So, I was doing a little webSight-Seeing, and my mouse tagged-teamed with my keyboard in escorting me to the singleblackmale.com. I skimmed through a few topics, and then through a few lines. Effortlessly, I discovered a jewel that was excavated from the sands of another. It went a little something like this:
“What do relationships and occupations/jobs have in common nowadays? Lack of loyalty.”
As usual, I do my best to share my thoughts and discoveries on Facebook because I care. It’s because I care that I’m a Care-Actor in this Movie we call “Life”; Featuring you, the Reader, whom are all relatives of the God Family. And as usual, when I request information from avid readers (loving family members), I get few responses. So, to compensate for the lack of dialogue, I decided to do a monologue – A figurative monologue in which I express a true to life concept in the form of a metaphor. And if conversations are synonymous to sex, then yes, consider this as masturbation. You’re free to watch for now, but please, give me a hand when I finish…..
…..I meant that in a form of applause!!
Personally, the thesis is true for me. I do view my interpersonal relationships under the same scope as I view my business relationships. I treat jobs like my women, sure I may flirt with a few others; I may even look. But when I’m with you, I’m with you until I’m ready to leave. In the words of the Songstress Sade…”Sometimes love has to let go”. I don’t NEED a job to complete me, nor does a job define me. I desire a job, just as I would desire a woman. With a keen self-awareness of my capabilities, a personal list of credible references, and an impressive resume (experience), jobs and women are replaceable yet as valuable as I am.
So, on Facebook, I conveyed that there are “careers”, which you are passionate about (you’re in love), and then there are “jobs” in which serve as a means of “security” (love, but not in love).
Note: In this allegorical philosophizing of mine…I will be exchanging the gender roles frequently because I am a strong supporter of Equal Opportunity. <<< Did you see that? Job….gender roles….Equal Opperrrr..…never mind.
Think about “careers” as marriage material, and “jobs” as boyfriends and girlfriends. The severity of each is determined by the choosey lover. See, for some of us, it’s preconceived that the job relationship is temporary, as in “this is the best that you can do.…for now”. Ladies, this is the boyfriend that came about while you were at the job fair (the club). Gents, this is the chic your homeboy put you on since he works there (he smashed that a few times…or is still smashing), or maybe he knows someone on the inside (someone ELSE is hitting that). For both of you, maybe this relationship is all you know. Whether it was the result of low self esteem issues and childhood repression, an overdose of complacency, or lots and lots of B.E.T….you may be settling. You may have reserved the idea that there’s no room for promotion (potential). You may have embraced the reality that there are a few good men (jobs) in the pond (town/city) you’re fishing in. You’ll take what you can get, and you’ll appreciate it; and soon, you’ll even propose. Some of you may live the rest of your years as Bitter as Scrooge McDuck (minus the money) because you’re obligated to a job (mate) that you didn’t truly desire. The pay is low; and there is little or no intensity in the relationship – meaning it doesn’t challenge you. The job f!cks you over and over in the same positions. The boss is inexperienced, and is also an asshole. And everything is beginning to become predictable. But check this; there are some people who consider these “working conditions” as their ideal relationship. These are the type of people that spend years devoting their love to a job only to fall in love AFTER much investment. This wasn’t love at first sight; this was the discovery of glory in simplicity. And if it serves, it definitely deserves a tip. But let’s not Jump the Broom just yet….let’s start at the beginning.
“First Dates are Interviews” said Van Wilder, and although some of us aren’t accepting Applications, and some of us are using every advertising medium that we can to offer some employment. And after placing your best foot forward, and hiding the other directly behind it through means of ankle crossing, you release a sigh of relief. You got the job. Starting new jobs are as refreshing as new relationships because everything is…. different. Adjusting can be problematic, because we fear the unknown, but in the land of the blind the optimist is king; otherwise, she’s a queen. The objective for most of us is to hold on to our “loyal subjects” because there’s a sense of security there, and security feels good. In many cultures (Chinese, Indian, and Arabic, for example), marriage is based on security – guaranteed love. Economically speaking, job security = guaranteed health/welfare and financial support. Most human beings are comforted by words like guarantee, obligation, responsibility, and dependability…especially when we are on the receiving in. All in all, you have to ask: “Why are are you with him/her (job)?” Is it because she’s dependable/reliable for the time being? Is the work ambience orgasmic? Do you actually LOVE your job? Do you see potential in her/him? And what do you call the people who are working 2-3 jobs? Is this the product of financial ambition aka “I Get Money”? Is this Workaholicism at its apex? I heard it’s the leading cause of death…..I mean stress. And you know when you stress, your sex drive sky dives – not in a bold and adventurous way either. Metaphorically speaking, they could be labeled as…ahem… polygamous.
But in this context, is it wrong to have more than one job if you have the time and energy to commit yourself? Well, it’s neither right nor wrong – it’s about benefits and risk – which is how we approach most situations in life, including our relationships. You see, some employers don’t care what you do, or where you work outside of “company time”…(clears throat)…quality time; while other employers care what you do outside of work due to the potential conflicts of interest. I mean, we have background checks for a reason right? I hope you ask for a Carfax report before you buy that used ’98 Chevy with 78,034 miles on it. I hope you hit up that Facebook page, and at least read the history of their wall posts, peep their friends list, and check out those pics. I hope you don’t judge a book by its cover; but, read the Title and read the Summary on the back cover. Be careful who you trust/invite in your circle, right? Most of us have very valuable reputations to preserve in order to evolve. It would be contradictory to the Capitalist minds of Wal-Mart and Winn-Dixie, if they shared an employee, whom happens to be on the payroll for Food Lion. By the way, the Capitalist mind is a competitive one; ego stroking is a must.
So, is this a form of cheating? Is this form of behavior considered disloyal if you’re looking for something better, which you know doesn’t exist in your current relationship?
Let’s consider the Dirty Jobs in this world. Yea, the misfit occupations that make us go “hell naaaaaah, son!”, and “I’d rather die” and “ewwww”, and “May God have mercy on your tormented soul”, and all the other humorous dysphemisms out there that signify rejection. Yes, I’m still referring to people that we don’t wanna date, marry, nor have sex with. Although we say that some people settle for less, there’s a flipside – there’s somebody for everybody – I think. If it weren’t for the underachievers who are simple minded yet dutiful and appreciative, McDonald’s Fries would be marketed but never served. The toilets at Applebees would like an uber-expired Nestle Crunch Bar that’s mistakably considered “art”. The architects of the world would never see their blueprints manifest physically. And those diamonds that you gave your ex-girlfriend on V-Day ’06, which she pawned for 2 Benjamin Franklins in ’07, well let’s say you would’ve had to go to plan C: write that corny a$$ song you had in mind (with your non-songwriting a$$), and devise a Pseudo-Hallmark card.
….basically, relive 2nd grade. Or maybe that was me.
See, I understand that everyone isn’t conditioned to be the CEO of Dynacorp. I understand that some of us are over-qualified for the security gig at the Holiday Inn. I understand that some of us hate getting dirty – so archaeology, agriculture, construction is not going to be our first choice. I understand that many of us scoff at recycling, sneer at energy conservation, laugh at the electric car, and smokes cigarettes, so Environmental Specialist may not appear like marriage material. And some of the stereotypes have some truth – Black people are afraid of Space Exploration and Deep Sea Expeditions because our Security Blanket is much, much warmer. But, in every job, glory can be found. Even if you’re a$$ is Bouncing in a Gentleman’s Club….
I meant the Bouncer…not the Stripper!!
But aye, it’s a job. And not everyone can see the beauty in the Pole Dancing art form. And yes, it is an art form – Google the history, people. Research is vital to truth-seeking. Stripping is separate from Pole Dancing. So to the Christians out there bashing Pole Dancing…..(pauses)….never mind. Anyway, however you depreciate the Stripping occupation consider this: T-Pain was in love with a Stripper…once…or maybe a few times.
OK, OK! Many of us go into these relationships (jobs) with hope that we will find ourselves there. It’s not always about the money ya know? Buried beneath our Earth-like exteriors are souls (or maybe it’s outside holding things in – ever thought of that?) that are looking for that job that will makes the self feel alive. We’re all looking for that special someone that makes us feel purposeful. That job that’s like a Handle-Squeeze from Febreeze…(sniff, sniff)…ahhhhh….that’s right, I’m talking about that World Famous Mystery that we call the Dream Job. I’m talking about a real career. I’m talking about that job that you’re so passionate about, that you’re not even considered working, you’re financially, physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually secure to do what makes you feel like God!! Oh, what a Job!! You wake up, excited to go to work – and yes, it’s because someone is there that you adore…YOU! But on that note, some of us don’t know what that job is because we truly don’t know ourselves. Many of us cruise through this vehicle we call life, chasing this dream job only to wake up in a day-mare that was forced on us due to the aftermath of bad choices, embracing familial/tribal professions, cultural influence, movies, and….television. And there are a chosen mass of us that are inspired to walk in the shoes of our predecessors, and travel further and beyond just for show. I’m not a relationship guru, nor am I a career consultant, but I’ve got some experience…well, wisdom, rather. I understand that there are people who prefer to be unemployed. And those are the type of people with Lil’ Wayne’s “I’m Single” in the CD Player/iPod…..on repeat. I understand that some people are also Widowers; they’re Retirees. And every day you hear about someone who got Laid Off i.e. she Dumped yo Ass! And equally important in all relationships, we reserve the right to preserve our sense of identity; sometimes we Need Space. Whether it’s to reinvent our self, or because the nature of the relationship requires a reevaluation, this phase is destined. Depending on the nature of the request, that could mean: Suspension, Emergency Leave and Vacation. Kind of like a Time Out. From what I know about loyalty and love, you should never betray yourself; not even for the loyalty of another. In my eyes, to betray your self is to betray the world – to be disloyal to yourself is to be disloyal to the world. Your suffering is contagious – we’ll use up our Sick Days messing around with you!
Personally, I’ve had 1 girlfriend named Hardees – we dated in ’99 and broke up in ‘02. After her, I got married to U.S. Army. We divorced 5 years later. After her, I remarried to Logistics Solutions Group after having being single for a couple of months and having a couple of flings (metal fabrication -3 mos and marketing -1 month). Then I was single for 3 months until I married my 3rd wife, Combat Support Associates, for 11 months. We divorced, but during our Separation, I got engaged to The Logistics Company – now, we’re newlyweds. I must say, in all of my relationships, I’ve always left on good terms. 2 weeks notice and sh!t – gotta give em time to replace the irreplaceable. It should be that way when we conclude our relationships – closure – it’s sort of like a performance review in which you can gauge yourself. You never know when you may need to come back.
Plus, I’ve had a pay increase in each – I must be choosing the “right ones for me”.
Here’s a secret of mine: I’m in love with my music! Through all these relationships, I’ve always had my music. I’ve been loyal to her no matter how many times I neglect her…she’s always there, waiting for me. Music is wifey material; even though logistics is my….type. Guess you can call me polygamous. Or maybe I just value open relationships (shrugs).
Overall, the best advice that I’m gonna donate in relation to jobs, careers, and relationships – find yourself first!! Then you’ll know the difference between flings, soul mates, friends, sex partners, fantasies, and marriage material. Your dream job is a reflection of who you are. Your job is just something you do (like sex).
But hey, don’t just swallow what I’m serving. What do you think? Is the thesis true for you? Do you share my view? Do you need a job reference? Are you hiring? What’s the benefits/job description/job requirements? Who did you fire?